My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
girl I've been sleeping with this summer as per her request just gave me a carton of cigs to thank me for my "hospitality". this is good.
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Oh by the way, john gave me your shirt to return to you when I was at work today. I almost gave him his girlfriends underwear to return to her but figured it would be inappropriate.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
Congratulations on your lack of fetus.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
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