Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
omh. i just found SHIT IN THE SHOWER! who the fuck does that? and why do i always seem to find it?
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
He insisted that I looked like Kiefer Sutherland, told me he didn't know what to do about it, then hugged me awkwardly.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
Randomize
