guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
If I come back covered in mud topless and banging on your door, please have a warm towel ready for me
I went to grab his drink and my hand grazed his dick. It was magical.
just saw someone climb out of the dumpster at cvs and start walking down the street like it was completely normal
I slept with him that night and I'm not sure if my lack of enthusiasm was obvious but I found him eating ice cream in the bathtub the next morning. Mom will be so proud.
When I tried to give you a hickey, you karate chopped me in the neck.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I'm about to get my nails done. Would the polish name "meet me at the altar" be too straight forward for a first date?
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Remember, today is also the anniversary of Harambe's death. D**** out.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
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