You work out of a Hotel?
You can't special order awesome
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
I don't know what's worse: going to the liquor store at 9am or knowing that its open at 9am
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
He's interpretive dancing to Crazy by Britney Spears and expressing his feelings for either me or the guy next to us
Hey know anyone who wants 58 lbs of whole frozen chickens for a couple bowls?
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
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