You realize if you die tommorow, the last memory i'll ever have of you is your ballsack on skype
don't tell her this, but while we were doing it doggy style I picked up my phone and changed my status to "who let the dogs out"
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
Please do NOT set off the smoke alarm when I am tied to the bed like this...
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I need someone to play with my boobs. Even platonically. I just need a good groping
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
I don't know. I'm drunk and dressed as a pirate but ill do the math tomorrow morning.
Our entire day shift is on either molly or acid. I'm about to take two hits of the latter.
dont ever go to laser tag drunk. you will be judged.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
