Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
I've spent the last ten minutes rubbing glue sticks on the wall
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
I woke up with $140 in twenties in my bra and have never been more puzzled.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
is it just me or does "lol" kill any sort of vibe while sexting?
Randomize