We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
I wish there was a non-hangover washing machine that I could stick myself in right now
DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Home. Barefoot. Drunk. Crying. Puked. Brushed teeth. Washed face. Dying. Need Cuddle.
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
And then we made hashbrowns with vodka and queso.
I just took the cheapest shot in your honor
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
I'm just glad you didn't end up in Staten Island
I woke up naked holding a taco. My ass couldn't even make it to my bed let alone Staten Island
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