Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
I stumbled into my living room at 4 a.m. to find him hurling my laptop across the room and his pants around his ankles. Clearly his night didn't go as planned.
how do you feel about lunch break shots ?
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
You're like my zumba instructor for alcoholism right now
were you high?
When?
Actually just blanket yes to that question
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
cocks speak louder than words, as they say
Nobody says that.
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
How was the picnic?
We played softball, except our team sucked. In one hand was a mitt, the other a beer.
Why didn't you put them down?
No beer left behind.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Randomize
