girl in front of me in lecture is looking up on ask.com about chlamydia.
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
I use him for alcohol and he uses me for sex. This is the closest thing to love i could imagine
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
I don't know what you're talking about but its dick galore in the tub. We will be getting poked tonight. Bring forks.
Fuck underwear. Let's get stoned and eat ravioli.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
His last name was woodcox? That just screams I've got a great penis
I actually had to apologize for "being too aggressive about harry potter"
My sister just showed me a snap chat that I don't remember sending, it was a picture of me with two big macs in my bra with just the words "BURGER TITS"
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
I think you're my feminist conscience sometimes.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
