check it out our google latitudes are spooning
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I had some like war flashbacks of giving someone a handjob and i was trying to figure out who it was.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
I will be your sherpa up the mountain of gayness
The best part about this city is obvious. Someone saw me crouching by a bar pissing in my leftover Panera bread bowl and they just winked.
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
IM TRYING TO BE RESPONSIBLE AND ALL I WANT TO DO IS FUNNEL CHEAP BEER AND SCREAM ABOUT HOW MUCH I LOVE OUR NATION
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
An "unreasonable amount of ejaculate" isn't a reason to be angry at me.
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