I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
I love drunk self when he leaves a prepacked bong for the morning... in the bathroom.
The tornado sirens were going off and everyone just ran to the liquor store. .
What happened to "I wouldnt even touch her with a ten foot pole"?
Her vagina devoured it.
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
It was a group decision to take your pants off. Took a solid 10 minutes. No more skinny jeans while drinking.
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Strip mythology. Everyone wins. Most of all me.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
scotch tastings during the week is a baaad idea. i woke up w no pants but wearing my winter coat
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