oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
I'm one ex away from doing an entire victory lap of all of the guys I've hooked up with since second semester of freshman year. Single me is scary.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
He changed his profile picture to him as a baby. Definitely a turn off. This will help in my "don't-be-a-slut-endeavors"
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
My mouth feels like it's at the dentist but my body feels like it's at the strip club.
I just watched some kid bang his girlfriend and I was like whatever I'll just sit here and do all your fucking drugs that's fine
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
