I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.
somehow you got everyone naked by playing strip rock paper scissors.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Lame. Party is tapping out at 4am. Even chanting "USA" didn't rally them.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I fell asleep while we were Skyping and woke up to his balls bouncing in front of the camera while he sang "Wakey Wakey!" over and over again. Merryfuckingchristmas.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
Your first mistake was not throwing your beer at the RA and running
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He said he "doesnt care at all, really" if I shave my legs or not. Challenge accepted.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
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