I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
I knew the night had taken a turn when we showed up and our flabongo was being chilled in the freezer.
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
In a weird way, I don't want to stalk him on Facebook. I want to find out what's wrong with him the old-fashioned way. Is this what it means to be romantic?
Important update! My next door neighbours have a canoe. Repeat: THEY HAVE A CANOE! We are having sex in it before this summer is over.
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
New rule. Every time you and I have a disagreement that lasts longer than 10min, while in a bar, we'll have a shot. Figure we'll eventually start agreeing sooner rather than later...
I woke up without my clothes on covered up with a towel on the floor because for some reason I took a bath in my clothes at 2am.
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
Can you bring me the toilet please
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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