Sober January is a disaster.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
Is "blowjob enthusiast" a bad costume?
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
When you hit the 45 minute mark of any argument about The Flintstones, you have to realize: it's no longer you arguing, it's the cocaine arguing.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
I apologize for being mean. I love the blender and your vagina.
Feel better punkin. Your balls will be gently resting on my forehead in no time
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Basically, I am an endless fountain of unconvential sexual experiences and knowledge.
Randomize
