Whssdazt areerg yiu up to? U thijk ur lame!
read your last text- its a foreign language-im not ignoring you, easyyy
puked in the new hous. now it's officially home.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
I think I just saw the silver monkey from legends of the hidden temple sitting out in someone's trash
GO. BACK. NOW.
Is it just me or did a policeman park your car last night?
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
I told him id do anything with him and he said angry pirate? So I said okay. Never seeing him again.
What's an angry pirate?
You dont want to know. If someone offers say no. Never ever do the angry pirate. Ever.
I distinctly remember holding up a piece of ham pizza and screaming: "WHO THE FUCK EATS HAM PIZZA" in the face of a bunch of scared 13 year old girls faces, while my own sister laughed in mine.
WTF DUDE?
Stay calm. I'm sure there's a heterosexual explanation for this
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Hi please disregard the last text and if you'd like our entire interaction
Done
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
