I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
I don't understand why everytime I fuck his bestfriend he seems more interested in me...
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
It's cheaper then a lap dance and you get your hair cut.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I told her the party couldn't handle my playlist LAZERBAWLS and I was right. Cops in the basement, orgy in the kitchen, jousting in the living room.
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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