Do you think he likes his girlfriend's moustache?
At the doctor. They're doing a flu test now. He was like "where do you think you got this?" I said "bachelor party. Strippers." he goes "okaaaay I'll put 'other'."
For the amount I put out, I should be going on way more dates.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
Tidal wave of highness just hit. Find shelter and catnip. gloves. zebra striped car washes.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
it's 2:30 on a sunday and I just won a wine chugging contest. I'm never graduating.
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
It's not a walk of shame if you run
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