I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
Having sex with her was like reading the Wall Street Journal.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
I need a thor helmet and I need to find my heavy duty drinking mug
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I think I'm gunna glue a sign to my head that says "WAKE ME UP BEFORE 7!" And go to sleep and hope a kind passer by wakes me up for my exam .
I am sweating Crown. It all went wrong when the ratio hit 50-50
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
