I met a girl last nite that charged by the inch. i didnt have enough money but i figured shed be a good deal for u
I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
I really wish I didn't have to wear pants this is ridiculous
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
you started looking at my couch laughing and saying to it "she thinks I'm talking to you" then proceeded to laugh and talk to the couch some more.
Putting all my energy Into finding a polite way to ask my mailman to fuck me in his car.
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
If if makes you feel any better, you're definitely the hottest guy I've ever friendzoned.
How do you politely tell a guy that you only kissed him so he would shut the fuck up?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Look get the dick out ur mouth and answer the phone
I was in line at Panera when I got the pic you sent to your coworker. I just showed your vag to a soccer mom. The vibrator was a nice touch.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
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