I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
He stripped down to boxers and then started flinging jello shots with a spoon into people's mouths like a catapult.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I can recall having this conversation with a three year old, but go on
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
