i need an iv and a liver transplant
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You didn't have enough money so you tried to convince the cashier that "four dollar foot long" rolled off the tongue better. Stop drinking. Immediately.
IDK who she called, but some guy came into the party, flying drop kicked Joe said never again. She has to invite him around again.
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
Just fucked a MILF from Alaska. I love traveling.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
He texts me "what are you wearing" in the middle of the workday, so naturally I assume he's kidding and respond "the blood of my enemies" #foreveralone
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
I just did a walk of shame on my own block. one of the old neighbors saw and greeted me "good morning, girl next door"
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
Am i obligated to tell my sister her girlfriend was my one night stand three months ago?
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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