Yeah unless I can find some idiot to make love to
I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
She had a maple leaf tattoo behind her ear and told me she liked my "playoff beard".
Only in Canada would your laziness be applied to hockey and rewarded.
she said and I quote "NO SOUP FOR YOU!!!" and closed her legs.
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
Ask me who hasn't showered since Sunday and just got cruised at the gas station on his way to work. I'm a terrible gay.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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