We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Just went through the drive thru and got 18 free donuts in exchange for half a joint. Dunkin Donuts at midnight might become a nightly thing for us.
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
That happens a lot to the people around me. It's like I'm radioactive but instead of cancer, you get desensitized to the word cunt
Don't let me publish my memoir unless "hurt my ankle drunk irish dancing" is at least the title of a chapter because that is really the whole story of my life.
Had to walk of shame past Westminster Abbey this morning. Pretty sure a Japanese tourist took a photo of me.
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
so in other words, they broke and fell off and I ate a gummy life saver off of his balls
Don't masturbate while listening to Pandora. Just came during a buffalo wild wings commercial and I feel really weird about it.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
A guy I hooked up with YEARS ago just endorsed me on LinkedIn for "customer service".
Randomize
