Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
My cousins just decided to make a catapult to spread my Grandpa's cremated remains. I love my family.
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
Went to the doctor's today. The lady took one look at my throat and said "oh god"
Too much penis in there.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
Randomize
