Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
The homeless guy out front said it's his birthday and he asked us to join him for happy hour after work. He's buying a fifth of gin to celebrate.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
They are fixing my bike for free, trying to smoke me out, and their kids keep hugging me.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
And now whenever I see a documentary about dolphins, I think about sex, which is super weird
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
He's nice to look at and knows the difference between your and you're. I win.
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
dad says come back and get the lawn mower out of the pool before mom gets home
Never going back to jail again. Only time in my life I've ever had a wet dream about jerking it...
Randomize
