Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
Do you think there are girls out there that really do like small penis?
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
he threw up all over himself while laying down.. it was like watching old faithful, but with noodles and vodka
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
Once you've had an oral std scare, you're an expert.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
