i was rollin on her like bob the builder
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
We can stop fighting if you send me a picture of your dick standing at full attention wearing a sock.
I'll wait.
It can also be a hat.
I woke up and found piles of popcorn in a trail around my house, ending at a laundry basket full of pillows. What were we trying to catch last night?
Sensing a theme here
If alcoholism is a theme, yes.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
Randomize
