So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
My boobs are feeling quite sensitive so I told them, " you is smart, you is kind, you is important" that should do the trick.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Randomize
