Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
if three guys were standing in front of you and they differed only in the hairiness of the groin who would you choose: smooth as a baby's bottom, the grass lands or the amazon jungle?
i think you're getting too neurotic about why she won't touch you.
If its called oral, why is it so hard to talk?
Shit. Come in my room. Bring a trashcan and an icepack
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
I'm missing some hair, but it's cool. Breadsticks are done.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
There's times when I need to be plowed... and I'm ashamed to admit auto correct was able to predict that entire sentence.
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
I woke up with sticky red stuff all over my sheets, face, and chest. Apparently after I blacked out I thought eating ribs in bed was a good idea
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