Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
Well some days you just have to get blackout drunk and try to speak Spanish to French Canadian strangers
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
What i love about my dog is i can lay in bed and masturbate with him at the foot, and he just leaves me alone.
Mike's my new hero. There's a flagpole of hook-up's bras on his porch and a week's supply of beer in his fridge but he still has a great job.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
There is a baby in my apartment. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
