You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
the fact that i fell through a skylight is the least humiliating part of the night
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
He told me since I'm into organics I should know his meat is known locally for its quality and hes hand raised it since age 13.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
I really love you gals. I'm sorry again. I'm just super protective of my poutine
After last night I never want to be in the back of a cop car again. No leg room.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I get sad thinking about all the sex I’m missing out on because of the virus
I instituted “quarantine and chill” months ago. It’s not like penises go soft just because they’re working at home.
His nipple licking is glorious
Randomize
