I really want to sleep with her friend. I'm hoping our casual sex relationship will somehow lead to that.
We just saw a waitress walk by with a tray of bacardi and whipped cream.
Whoever ordered that deserves a pat on the back and the "classiest customer" award
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
I'm scared to see what happens if we keep winning like this. I don't think there enough livers for every one after the season is over.
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
I just had a horrible epiphany. I have fucked girls younger than Star Tours
This text was so worth waking up to
Plus he stuck it in when you were sleeping which would have been the tipping point for me but you art school kids are all liberal and shit
He called my boobs fluffy. Part sexy part pilsbury dough boy. Part sexy pilsbury dough boy. I'm so confused. And flattered?
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
I told you that we shouldn't have sex. You said "its okay I already saw you pee" apparently that was convincing
I’m gonna stop you right there. The last time you had a “brilliant” idea, I woke up to my kitchen covered in flour and a javelin through my tv.
Randomize
