Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I have a strict rule of what enters my vajay. It's either sparkly, or human. Anything else and I draw the line. Standards.
I am officially now FB friends with my arresting officer.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize
