I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
I just found a bag of teeth...
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
It's pizza for people who hate themselves. I rang the place up once i'd finished and told them if i was on death row it would be my last meal because by the time i'd got half way through it I would be begging to die.
But then I ordered two more because it was 2-4-1 and my life is a mess
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
Dude I was walking down the street and threw up in a plastic cvs bag. Tequila wins again.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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