he is so annoying
so stop sleeping with him
yeah but he is so hot when i'm drunk
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
this st patricks day sucks
ill send jameson via bank tube 150+ miles
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
Jesus when did you leave my house? I found 2 bottles of wine, vodka, and a book with blow all over it wondering if I was read bedtime stories
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
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