Considering that my ex-wife dumped me to become a lesbian, the Universe owes me a threesome.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
I don't know bro. If a girl makes you cum hard enough that you pull a back muscle, she might be the perfect one to call for a massage on said muscle.
I'm to the point where I just want to get back at him in a hot man sex tornado way.
Had a rough day but my boyfriend made that all better by going down on me while letting me watch Top Gear... I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Also lets pinky promise right now that we will NOT play "Pony" outside of each other's rooms if we have a hook up over
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
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