flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
I mean, I know going to rehab probably didn't make her a lesbian, but I can always hope
I tried exercising today. I ended up masturbating to the Wii fit trainer.
I am going to be fat forever.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Nothing like snapchatring dick pics to a\nMarried woman while your girlfriend destroys Taco Bell in the next room. Almost caught, worth it. Got boobs back
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
I don't care that he's really strong. I need him to make me cum not fix my back problems
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