'hiiiigh' is saved in my t9 for a reason
So you refered to him as "monster dick"...not so much
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
I woke up to a topless girl handing me a blunt. Candidate for greatest wake-up ever?
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
I tried to take a photo for proof but couldn't hold my penis, camera, and measuring tape all at the same time.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
We were at dinner and dad asked me to pass the salt and I suddenly remembered doing body shots when I was blacked out last weekend.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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