I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
she just gave me a present from you... on a stripper pole. in front of the whole club. :)
WHY ISNT THIS A PICTURE MESSAGE
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
Chasing a shot of svedka with a clementine is NOT the same as tequila w lime...
$100 bras are my way of telling my boobs that I love and appreciate them, and all the metaphorical doors they have opened for me.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
I did way too many drugs this past week for having a broken nose #commitment
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
I'm actually on the verge of cancelling a booty call because I have an early meeting tomorrow. If this is what adulthood is going to be like, I'll pass.
Randomize
