You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you hid your keys in a box of lucky charms because drunk you was apparently going to eat them for breakfast...
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
hey you sure the big one didn't have a penis she left the seat up
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Woke up in a wet suit with my junk cut out. In a strange apartment. Just found thing biggest bong u have ever seen. WHERE ARE YOU?!?!?!
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
My way of showing team usa support, bronze: handy silver: bj gold: home run. God, I'm patriotic
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
How do you tell a woman that you are seeing that the scars on your back are from her awesome-in-bed little sister?
God, please protect all woman from micro-penises
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
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