Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
He looks too sensitive, like he's going to write me a poem and cry after the first time we have sex.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
Of course she's mad at you. You Kanye Wested a picture of her catching snowflakes in her mouth. "imma let you finish but..." was the shaft and you put two of Kanye West's heads for the balls.
the guy was wearing a viagra shirt, i knew what i got myself into.
all i remeber is falling off a fence and banging him in the middle of the street, not sure which one gave me this cut
Our Icelandic basketball player brought cocaine and rachael is screaming that he should do lines off her stomach. It's that kind of party
You stuck your entire fist into a full jar of peanut butter and starting assaulting people
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Randomize
