she quoted hannah montana in her facebook status. i will never be speaking to her in person again.
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
I could swear I did coke with Jesus last night
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
The best part of my day was getting high in the parking lot of the movie theater and taking pics in the photo booth with the caption "CONGRATULATIONS!" we geeked out because it congratulated us for getting high
I seriously had to check my phone this morning to make sure I didn't agree to any strange sexual favors.
i showed up sober to class for the first time. my prof said that i was "off my game today". i love philosophy
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
This band has the most fuckable violin player I have ever seen.
The thought of you trying to procreat frightenes and disgusts me!
Randomize
