I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
Are you around on Saturday? Feeling a trip over
Wet with either fear or sexual excitement
I think a mixture of both is appropriate
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
there is a video of me on Facebook getting mad at a trash bin what the fuck was in your Pepsi
Wednesday is my day of reflection and making my dick and balls into shapes. So i'll be pretty busy.
I'm ready to sell my soul to the strip club tonight
Her mom is a nurse who got called in to declare someone dead. Just got wing manned by a corpse.
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
On a serious note, don't let me forget to tell you about firecracker baseball. I'm glad I have my fingers. I had to count them.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
Randomize
