what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
she added emergen-c to the bong-water bro, brilliant.
I was just wished a Happy Valentine's Day by the (Mexican) Chinese food delivery guy. I've never had clearer "get your life together" message than that.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
She said she had a surprise for me and sent me a video of her having sex with some fat dude. It was a mood killer
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
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