Did we have sex last night?
I think that was the general idea until I got you undressed and you puked on me.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
My eyes got the double whammy. Once with pepperspray from the riot the other with cum. Both of which i did nothing to deserve.
All four of us managed to throw up in the same bathroom at different times during the night. I think we'll get along great living together.
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
nothing says "you're fucked" like watching a movie with the family and a handle of vodka comes crashing down from your hiding spot in the ceiling tiles.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
What's a sexy way to say balls deep???
Randomize
