There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
Prereq for being on nyc prep: money, bitchy, and a lazy eye... if only you were rich
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
She helped me organize my comics and then blew me. This is the one.
I don't even have to turn the heat on in my car. Just fart the whole way home.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I wish I could but I can't. No beer pong or sex on a hammock...such an unproductive weekend
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
there was a keg and pinata at my uncles funeral, and a bunch of scary looking biker dudes showed up to pay their respects. i need to strive to be more like him.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
