o shit let me call u back theres a hamburger in my pocket
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
Just met a female bro. Things are weird at the rugby party.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
i lose more brain cells when ever she opens her mouth then i would doing meth for 8 years of my life.
She is crazy, dude. She actually bit me on the gootch.
then you said,"Take this damn cabbage!" although it was actually your shirt. i found you in the elevator of his building.
Definitely sounds like it's time for some eggs with a side of strap on
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
I finally got out of bed at 8:30pm and my little brother informed me that I had cereal stuck to my back. I'm going to smoke a cigarette and go back to sleep.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
I think I left my bra and my crocs in your room
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