Instead of having sex, we spent the entire night making pillow forts and have sword fights. I think I'm in love
"I never want to have to say, 'Please don't squirt me with your breast milk' again.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
They're watching TV in bed. The Golden Girls to be exact. Aaaand I just heard them singing along with the theme song. I love living with gays.
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
I don't remember but we shouldn't have a problem. Unless drunk you encouraged drunk me not to wear a condom.
I think we have a problem.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
