i jus seen this fat chick walk buy look like she had don king coming out her arm pits..
exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
So I just introduced myself to this guy in front of me and now he's saving my pictures on facebook to his phone..
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
I wish the ER had shaved that part of my head. It would be easier to show people my staples at the bar.
Please tell me this is my four loko that I just woke up in....
You never know, some chick could have a weird unibrow fetish.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
Seriously? A BAR is SPONSORING my 21... What did you do for your 21 again??
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
It makes showers more interesting trying to drink a gin and tonic and keep soap out of my eyes at the same time.
You need to calm down.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
