OMG I just tried to text you something dirty but accidentally texted the obama campaign
but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
i took it, then realized you live 3 ours away. but if you start driving now, im almost positive I'll still be hard
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Which is scary since we both think with our vaginas
You left your underwear on the fireplace
I vaguely remember chanting "USA" at the pool when we were talking to the Frenchies.
We were pointing at fat people and chanting USA.
I need to cry about outer space to someone. Can I call you?
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
Randomize
