She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
It's official. I now have that "I was drunk and needed the money" college story to share later in life.
Honestly, It follows the same rules as Cock Roulette.
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
No, that was the night I helicoptered my dick to oncoming traffic. Im talking about the night I ran naked down the street.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
You're gonna be sprawled out basking in the sun working on your tan like a ridiculously hot iguana, and I'm gonna be here bundled up in about 72 layers just so I don't freeze my dick off looking like the Michelin man's gay cousin
i apologize, I may have called you an iguana
Mistakes were made
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
you walked 30 min all the way back to the dorms at 2am?
i was more bummed that i dropped all my skittles.
You waddled all the way home with your shoes in a construction cone. I'm glad to call you my Bestfriend.
Holy. shit. Chris has no pants on. In public. Fuck. Need you.
I flushed a potato down the toilet so now we have to live in a hotel.
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