I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
just served this dwarf dude an entire pitcher of malt liquor. watching this will totally be worth my bartender's certification.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
Today the house voted to defund Planned Parenthood but to continue funding NASCAR. I fucking hate everything.
He managed to scream "cowabunga bitch" before he went down on me. Let me know if you still like him.
Omg. One night stands are not supposed to show up to your swim class the morning after. Worst lesson ever.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
Randomize
