i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
guy from last night has fluorescent crocs in his closet. judging by the rest of his clothes he doesn't wear them in an ironic way
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
If we were to wake in ur bed together, what are the 3 words you would say to me?
Get out now.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Found her grinding on my boss with her tongue down her throat last night. Guess who just got promoted!
I looked like a tiger in heat. He didn't know if I wanted to fuck him or eat him.
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
