Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
good thing vaginas are great cup holders
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
fyi gin and iced coffee...not my greatest invention
i feel like i was in a swimming pool of captain and coke and had to drink my way out
She told me about it right after. She said she was scared I would be disappointed. And I was, but I pretended not to be. Which pretty much sums up our relationship.
So I got drunk last night and attempted to shave a landing strip on my vag. I now have a 8 lane highway on my crotch now. Just looks like a random ass square.
Taking dicks and breaking hearts, no better life
You walked into the frat house and screamed "whose down to fuck" i think they were more intimidated than anything
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
Planning a vacation around my dog. I have become one of those dog moms.
Well, fuck this election. I'm getting drunk, regardless of who wins.
Randomize
