Far right against the wall..hiding come find me. dont tell oyhers hahaha
I called you to phone bone last night, but you were out with your boring friends playing video games
every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
i don't have fun when you have fun. i have embarrassment, fear, and significantly less cash in my wallet.
pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
No, not normal drunk. Wake up on a trampoline with a naked chick you've never seen before drunk. I think i missed my first trampoline sex...
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Well this guy just went into a detailed lecture about how rinos are developing into unicorns.. It's gonna be a good night.
He kept apologizing that the nerve damage makes him take a while to finish. Meanwhile he gave me 3 orgasms and a leg cramp
Only you could benefit from a reckless driver
Randomize
