you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
stuck in traffic next to occupy boston. smells like patchouli and unshaven pubes
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I wonder if go pro can customize a cock ring so I don't have to hold the camera anymore
I need to go home for the safety of everyone in a 10 mile radius, especially me
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
you said you heard a baby, so i told you to go feed it. you came back 2 hours later with a pizza and when i asked you where the baby went you pointed to the pizza and puked.
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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