Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
this is not the time for floating mt dew and shots of tequila.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
