I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
we had sex three times last night.. but now im just wet from him crying on my stomach about how much he misses his ex.. awesome
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
You just stood up, raised your glass and said, "I'd like to thank the academy" then fell through a glass table. THAT'S why we cut you off.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
Well. I went to a frat party where they mixed gin and Mountain Dew. My kingdom for some olives and vermouth.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
How high?! We watched paid programming for 45 minutes before we realized it wasn't just a long commercial. So pretty high. The Bionic fish finder looks promising, though.
Lets get a boat first.
Pretty sure I scared her away last night by putting a vodka tampon in my ass
Randomize
