I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I'm blaming hurricane Irene if I get pregnant tonight.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
Was I holding a cat when you saw me? Because that was the height of that party for me.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
He doesn't deserve you. Your ass looks 8 times better than his face ever will. Wanna order pizza and watch porn?
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
I was masturbating and a roofer walked past my bedroom window.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
We're playing drunken roulette. We're taking exlax followed by shots. First person to shit themselves loses!
Randomize
