YOu come back ASAP and we will do whatever you want baby
I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I'll buy you a vibrator, we can get married for tax benefits, and live happily ever after with lots of doggggs.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
we started pounding beers an hour ago to celebrate our personal snow day tomorrow. vodka shots for u of i's actual decision are on standby.
Passing out is just my bodies way of protecting my liver.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
Man I'll cab it I'll be sloshed by then. There's turtles involved
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
Let's be honest, I am pretty sketchy looking.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!
Okay so I just had a really great idea
no.
Randomize
