I accidentally had phone sex last night
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
I don't mean to ruin your favorite Disney movie...but...we both came when Mufasa died.
A guy in the dance floor is raising the roof with an axe in hand. I love Halloween.
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
You walked up to a random girl on the street and asked her for a bite of her pizza...
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
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