I kind of wish I was already fat. So I could eat all I want and not worry about getting fat. Cause I'd already be at that point.
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
there's another hole in my ceiling...someone fell through the attic this time....
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
I've been at work 30 min broke a paper towel holder a chair set a box on fire and fell down twice. Hungover Brian just reached a new level
Almost bit the guy's hand who sits in front of me because he was stretching. That. Bored.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
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