Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
At a bar where three women in denim shorts are debating techniques and skillsets for wrangling goats. You stay classy Delaware.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
The night went downhill when he lit her purse on fire and tried putting it out with vodka
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
I figure a girl that drinks as much as I do should always have pregnancy tests on hand
If you already knew specifically that I was smoking a bowl in my remodeled bathroom AND THEN still wanted to initiate sexting, please proceed to the altar and marry me this instant.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
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