Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
you woke up, pulled a beer bottle out of your pants..took a drink and went back to sleep.
The duggars are the reason premarital sex is ok. Because if you don't have it until marriage you have no self control when it happens. And 19 kids.
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
My phone now changes "me" to "mrrrrrrrrh", thank you new years.
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
My vagina just recognized that song.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
Tinkerbell just flew up to me and tickled my balls. What the fuck did we smoke?
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
I vaguely remember a pregnant lady reaching for my penis. When was I in an elevator?
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
Randomize
