Nothing gets me like the O.C. theme song does.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
Idk wtf I would do on a date. I thought wed passed that stage at least for a while. Nowadays dates should consist of blackouts and shameful mistakes.
the amount of chicks and firearms here is unnerving. this will end awesomely or at the morgue.
You'd think the neighbors would be used to grown men coming into my house drunk at 230 am.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
You fell out of his top bunk onto his set of golf clubs. After seeing blood on your leg, you proceeded to sing "the first cut is the deepest" while sprawled on the golf clubs
You don't feed me, fuck me, or fulfill me.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
You threw up everything but your ovaries.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
